So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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