I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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