I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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