I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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