I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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