Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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