I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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