Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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