i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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