Sober January is a disaster.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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