I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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