Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize