dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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