textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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