Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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