another moral hangover. fuck.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize