Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize