so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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