Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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