I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize