I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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