Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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