I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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