the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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