I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize