I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize