I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize