She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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