Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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