if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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