Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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