Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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