she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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