after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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