sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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