I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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