You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
operation harelip BJ is a go
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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