I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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