First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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