woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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