I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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