I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I donโt think anyone caught on
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