Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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