3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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