thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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