She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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