fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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