So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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