and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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