I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize